The Trap of Comparison

Comparison.  It is a trap everybody gets themselves caught up in, no matter who you are.  It is so easy to compare yourself to others and wonder if you are doing enough, if you are enough, and if you have the capability.  I think it would be impossible to find someone that has never once wished to be somebody else.  As a teenager, it is especially easy to fall into this trap.  Everyone reaches different rates of success and achievement at different ages.  Therefore, when you are young, and the world is moving impossibly fast, it seems as though your goals are never going to be attainable.   

Don’t get me wrong, I think a bit of constructive comparison can be healthy.  Your friends should motivate you to want to be a better person.  They should be there to help you reach your goals, while also striving towards their own.  If you sincerely look at your friends and view them as lesser than you and you see yourself as the superior person. . . you should walk away.  Your friends deserve better.  You need more of a challenge in life.   

However, coming from my experiences, I have always had an unhealthy habit of comparing myself to others.  I think some of this may stem from my anxiety, and therefore my insecurity in certain situations, but other aspects rely completely on my naturally competitive spirit.  I cannot remember a time where I have not wanted to be the best at anything I was doing.  I know now that this is not always possible but that doesn’t mean it is a bad thing per say.  I think that is a healthy drive.   

It turns unhealthy when it consumes you.  When it gets to the point where it affects your confidence and your strive towards success, you need to take a step back and take a deep breath.  I am writing this now because I have been experiencing this unhealthy form of comparison lately.  A lot of it is because of my super dramatic personality, I know, but it affects me all the same.  I am surrounded by kids who are better than me at a lot of things.  Pitt has kids who are impossibly smart at only 18 years old.  I constantly see kids studying and solving advanced chemistry questions while I struggle to get through an essay about a superhero.  I see friends earning internships and scholarships, and others maintaining almost a 4.0 GPA. I watch fellow students in my year on stage, acting their hearts out, and I yearn to be up there because I know I can do what they are doing.  Then I look at myself and see a communication and theatre double major.  Two majors that get a lot of crap from the world.  I see a girl who is not good at much in the STEM field.  Sure, I could get by, but it would be rough, and I would be miserable.  I see a theatre major who cannot get cast in any theatre production.   

Then I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  When I open my eyes and look at myself again and see a girl who got into a Top 50 Global University.  I realize that I am maintaining all A’s and B’s at said university, even in my neuroscience class.  I take a moment to realize I have a volunteer job with the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust lined up for the spring, and ideas on possible internships over the summer.  I look around at my new friends, girls who have so readily accepted me into their group and feel a sense of belonging. I see a girl who got cast as a lead her first time auditioning at a new company when I was 16.  I see a girl who was stuck in ensemble her first 3 years of theatre, who finally earned a part after another girl dropped out. I see a girl who has put years upon years into theatre, with no immediate payback, and kept working.  I see a strong-willed woman who fights for what I want and know I can achieve.  I know that success takes work.  I know that it may take longer for me, but the results will be so worth it.   

I am enough.  I may not be on Broadway at 16 and I may not have a PhD by age 22, but that is ok.  I am living my own life, and it is pretty good.  I am hitting my own milestones at my own pace.  I am strong enough to know that things take effort and time, and I am determined enough to see them through.  I still compare myself to others my age, who are going different directions than me, but that’s okay.  The world would be really boring if everyone had a set time frame to their lives.  I am glad my life has taken me in my current direction, and I am proud of how far I have come and how far I am going.   

“You are enough. You are so enough. It is unbelievable how enough you are.” 

-Sierra Boggess 

With love and hope,  

Sam Rose