We Are Enough

Life is complicated.  It’s made up of many twists and turns and ups and downs and it’s almost impossible to predict where your life is heading.  Sometimes it seems like you can plan and plan how your life will look, but in my experience, it almost never works out that way.  To be totally and completely honest, the past two years of my life have felt like someone put me on a roller coaster blindfolded.  I’m 19 though, so like. . . I know that is to be expected.  Nobody has a grip on their lives at this point, no matter what kind of mask they try to put over the situation.  I think a large part of this issue for a lot of people is not feeling like they are enough.  I couldn’t tell you if this is situational, personal, universal, whatever it may be.  I can only share my experiences and hope and pray that somebody out there can relate to, or at least understand my points.   

As a person, I always aim my goals very high.  I don’t know why I do this, but I go to the absolute extreme for everything I want to accomplish.  I start a hobby and the next thing I know, I am hoping to become a professional by the next year.  I think if I work hard enough and stay dedicated, these goals are at least, in the smallest way obtainable, but it creates a dangerous standard.  Having dreams and goals in life are so so important, but so is the ability to be realistic about how you're going to reach those goals.  Dedication and delusion are different.  You can't build something without a foundation.  Its just that sometimes, building that foundation can seem even more impossible. I just want to clarify that aiming high is by no means bad.  Putting the weight of the world on your shoulders is though.  Expectations can lead to hurt.  I know this well.  I expect a lot of myself and in turn, the world.   

For everything I have ever done well in life, it seems as though I do so many things wrong.  I could name a dozen things I feel as though I am not enough in.  Friendships, looks, school, music, you name it.  Every time I find something I like (theatre), I lose something I like (friends).  I know this is subjective and there are a million reasons things in life change, but somehow, it seems as though it is all connected.  It goes along with the never enough standard.  It is so easy to feel as though every bad change in life is your fault.  Every grown apart friendship and every broken opportunity is because of personal actions.  And while yes, sometimes this can be true, it is important to differentiate when it is and isn’t.     

This is so unfair though.  It is so unbelievably unfair to put that pressure on yourself all the time.  Every single person in the world feels like they could be doing more.  Every.  Single.  One.  Every single person feels as though the turns of life that they couldn’t decide were their fault.  The way I see it?  This world is on autopilot.  With billions of people in the world, you can’t expect everything and everyone revolve around you.  You are not right for everything and everybody.  That is okay.  Because of this, those things you achieve and the people you meet that are right, are that much more precious.  Maybe you feel as though you weren’t enough.  Look at it this way though:  What if those people or opportunities weren’t enough for you?  What if life was leading you to a turn with greater outcomes?  It is so unkind to beat yourself up over high expectations and impossible standards.  Life works out in its own way, every time.  Sometimes it takes longer to see these results.  I remain hopeful though, and so should you.  

I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I hope there are a few words to cling onto.  I hope that you guys all know that life works out.  I know a bunch of my readers are younger and in the same boat as me, and I want you to know that we got this.  I know that my older readers are just as likely to feel lost and down, and that is so okay.  Nineteen years of life or ninety years of life, it’s still gonna be crazy.   

Hold on and chin up,  

Sam Rose