Friends I Didn't Get to Say Goodbye To

These past few weeks have been rough on our world, nation, and communities.  Long days inside, public panic, and a haunting sense of uncertainty clouds my dear Earth.  I have, to be honest, found myself in quite a hole.  If you know me, you know that I can dig myself out of this - probably with baking - if I gain weight its for a good cause.  The feelings going through me now aren't from the isolation itself but, like many others, the consequences of such.  I am not blind to the casualties of this virus, and the alarm surrounding it, but I think its fair to mourn what we are missing as a result.

College has been the best time of my life so far.  Finally, after four years of high school and many years before, I am free to be the complete, up-in-the-clouds, sensitive, whack-job that I am.  My friends at school stand by me through my ups and downs and encourage me through everything I experience.  When you're on your own, hours from home, your friends become your family.  I now. . . without warning, have found myself ripped away from my family-away-from-home.  Bluntly- it sucks.

There are many goodbyes I didn't get to say, many that I won't get the chance to say, and many more hello again's that I will not be able to express for a long time.  I have a good amount of friends, mentors, and beams of support that I will not properly be able to express my gratitude toward.  I know quite a few seniors that have given me the confidence to pursue the opportunities I have today.  These friends accept my crappy humor and roll with it.  They acknowledge my weaknesses with me, and work alongside me to build up my strengths.  I have watched these seniors grow for almost 2 years and admire their ability to dream, and work towards those dreams.  Their lives, no matter if they view them to be mundane or ordinary, are nothing short of amazing and spectacular to me.

There are many other friends that I simply waved goodbye to 2 weeks ago, completely unaware that it could possibly be 5 months until I get to wave hello.  These are the friends I shared late-night shenanigans with, stayed up into the early hours of the morning binging movies with, and took walks with when the air was warm and my mind was cloudy.  These are the friends that almost never said no to a game of Jackbox, or a Target run.  The one's I shared a home and heart with.  I know that these adventures aren't over - just paused.  I know I will get to hug them again in August, but that seems so far, and sometimes I don't think my heart is strong enough for the wait.  I know it is, but my gosh it was just so sudden.

I reflect on these stolen opportunities and look into the sky and thank everything there is for the technology I have to access these friends online, the pets I have to cuddle at home and cry into their fur, the doctors and scientists around the world looking for a cure, and my family here at home.  I am thankful for the woods surrounding my house, the long street that is perfect for walks, and my porch where I can sit and think.  I am thankful for the time I got to spend with my friends and eagerly look forward to our next hello, and with a new sense of awareness, dread our inevitable next goodbye.  I will work through this pause in life and when it's over, be ten-thousand percent more thankful for all I have.



With love and a touch of drama,
Sam

P.S. If you have pics with me please send them my way! I love holding onto memories